Actors shuffle about in a dazed fashion serving only as a means to explain the plot, all the while poor CGI effects pop in and out of frame in an attempt to hold the audience’s attention. This SON was supposed to have arrived last summer, but for some reason it was delayed until this February – not a good sign given that the first two months of the year are typically viewed as dumping grounds for studios. It’s no wonder that this painful mess has been delayed until now.
SEVENTH SON is nothing but hallow, visual clutter that is cobbled together to form something that struggles to appeal to the D&D or THE LORD OF THE RINGS crowd both of which are smarter than this nonsense. In fact it doesn’t even come closer to recent and much more successful attempts such as SOLOMON KANE and WRATH OF THE TITANS (that latter of which is more of a guilty pleasure for me). Sadly, SEVENTH SON is far (very far, indeed) from capturing the heroic excitement associated with those films. The fact that he served as a co-writer on a film with dragons and other mythological creatures, I expected a somewhat intelligent adventure flick or at the very least a fun no-brainer throwback to the days where Ray Harryhausen used movie magic to drop fantastical creatures into the world of courageous heroes.
Given the fact that Steven Knight wrote and directed one of my favorite films of last year, LOCKE, I went into SEVENTH SON with cautiously optimistic expectations. Because you know… transforming into a dragon wasn’t enough or anything. Master Gregory and Tom must work together to stop this ancient evil before the next “Blood Moon” sets and Malkin becomes more powerful. There’s also a powerful amulet that Tom has that the witches need to become more powerful, magical creatures, and armies of soldiers willing to do Malkin’s bidding which include Djimon Hounsou as a character who throws chains, because this former Oscar nominee has nothing better to do these days but play small bit parts in films like this and last year’s GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. So there may be hope for the young lovers after all (cue eye roll).
But don’t worry, not all witches are evil as we learn. From there the two set off to track Malkin, her witchy sister, and her sister’s witchy daughter who also happens to have eyes for Luke Skywal… Tom. Gregory comes to the boy because he’s the seventh son of the seventh son who was born on the seventh month and who worked at a 7-Eleven on 7 th Street. Malkin’s return though results in the death of his most recent squire and her quest for vengeance begins. Enter farm boy Luke Skywalker who wants to learn the ways of the… sorry, I mean Tom Ward (Ben Barnes). In those years that have passed, Gregory has continued to become a powerful “spook” (think wizard/witch-slayer).
She remains restrained until a “Blood Moon” rises – something that happens once every century – which then causes her to transform into a dragon and escape her slumber. A young Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges) locks up a powerful witch that goes by the name Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore) in a cave atop a mountain as the film begins. It’s hard to decipher exactly what Jeff Bridges is saying under his accent that sounds like a cross between Gandalf and Bane from THE DARK KNIGHT RISES but I’ll do my best. Just as the film bludgeoned me almost immediately over the head with its insipid nature, I’m going to just jump right into the plot of SEVENTH SON, or at least what I can make of it.
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